Song: BOMB IRAQ
Sung to the tune of "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap Your Hands"
If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi
And the bank takes back your Audi
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.
If the corporate scandals growin', bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showin', bomb Iraq.
If the smoking gun ain't smokin'
We don't care, and we're not jokin'.
That Saddam will soon be croakin',
Bomb Iraq.
Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections;
Let's look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.
While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
Yay! the clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing.
(Though our ignorance is showing),
Bomb Iraq.
So here's one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
From his favorite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It's the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.
Friday, July 01, 2005
The most academic joke I have ever been forwarded!
Once all the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek.Unfortunately Einstein is has to seek and is supposed to count upto 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton - he just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rite in front of Einstein.
Einstein keeps counting......97,98,99.....100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....." Newton denies and says i am not out. He claims that he is not Newton!!
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........
how???????
Scroll Down
Proof:
Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.
That means i am Newton per meter square.
Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal,
Pascal is OUT.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton - he just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it rite in front of Einstein.
Einstein keeps counting......97,98,99.....100........
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in front.
Einstein says "newton's out..newton's....out....." Newton denies and says i am not out. He claims that he is not Newton!!
All the scientists come out and he proves tht he is not newton..........
how???????
Scroll Down
Proof:
Newton says:
I am standing in a square of area 1m square.
That means i am Newton per meter square.
Hence i am Pascal....since newton per meter square = Pascal,
Pascal is OUT.
Thursday, June 30, 2005
He works accross the road!!
Early this evening, an incident stunned two people who have known each other for a very long time. I cant say how long, but lets just emphasize on the fact that it was very long.
Blogging being the craze of the days, everyone was upto antics of giving people cloues to find out who they were, to see if they could guess correctly.
turned out he works accross the street
hehe
cya!
Blogging being the craze of the days, everyone was upto antics of giving people cloues to find out who they were, to see if they could guess correctly.
turned out he works accross the street
hehe
cya!
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
one of those days again...
This blog is getting seriously boring, what with all the comments and 200 people reading this everyday...
it just gets more and more difficult everyday..
haha... maybe someone will read this post next year and tell me about it...
what can one do to a blog to make it more lively?
I think I'll add some stuff to it.
it just gets more and more difficult everyday..
haha... maybe someone will read this post next year and tell me about it...
what can one do to a blog to make it more lively?
I think I'll add some stuff to it.
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Another small trip
I have now decided to return to my old form of writing... metaphorical!
Early one morning, around 10am Chinoor, the lead character (back in form!) wakes up and realizes he is late. Not dead… just late for a meeting he had scheduled. A foldable mechanism was his humble abode at the moment, which he got off and figured looking good would be a nice option for the day. A new device to help ease the soles of his foot, was bought a couple of days back which helped him walk long miles, longer than they usually are. Seriously, physics is very relative – you make walk a mile and think it was a minute long, not to mention thinking that you just broke the Olympic record for speed walking; but nonetheless it would seem quite short.
Anyways, returning to the initial story, morning ablutions were done in style and ready was he to move on to dangerous territories and travel through various different states. Two to be exact.
He left his home, his joy to face a world of greed, selfishness, anger, hurry and ofcourse very loud horns! He found himself in a cab after walking for an eternity (at which point it would seem that he was either walking really slow – to spend an eternity walking and still not get there; or he was walking the wrong way)
The cab guy shouted at chinoor before he got in it a weird word –“maaddikal”
Only later did he realize that it was just a polite gesture which meant – “Good morning Sir, I am headed towards the bus stand called ‘Medical’ in Delhi. If you would like I could give you a lift till there for a meager sum of Rs. 15/- only”
Who could refuse such a polite request! In fact Chinoor let the driver know that he would be getting off a little before “maaddikal” and the driver obligingly offered him a five rupees discount!
Isn’t it amazing how a little bit of politeness can get you so far in life – 16 kilometres to be exact.
Early one morning, around 10am Chinoor, the lead character (back in form!) wakes up and realizes he is late. Not dead… just late for a meeting he had scheduled. A foldable mechanism was his humble abode at the moment, which he got off and figured looking good would be a nice option for the day. A new device to help ease the soles of his foot, was bought a couple of days back which helped him walk long miles, longer than they usually are. Seriously, physics is very relative – you make walk a mile and think it was a minute long, not to mention thinking that you just broke the Olympic record for speed walking; but nonetheless it would seem quite short.
Anyways, returning to the initial story, morning ablutions were done in style and ready was he to move on to dangerous territories and travel through various different states. Two to be exact.
He left his home, his joy to face a world of greed, selfishness, anger, hurry and ofcourse very loud horns! He found himself in a cab after walking for an eternity (at which point it would seem that he was either walking really slow – to spend an eternity walking and still not get there; or he was walking the wrong way)
The cab guy shouted at chinoor before he got in it a weird word –“maaddikal”
Only later did he realize that it was just a polite gesture which meant – “Good morning Sir, I am headed towards the bus stand called ‘Medical’ in Delhi. If you would like I could give you a lift till there for a meager sum of Rs. 15/- only”
Who could refuse such a polite request! In fact Chinoor let the driver know that he would be getting off a little before “maaddikal” and the driver obligingly offered him a five rupees discount!
Isn’t it amazing how a little bit of politeness can get you so far in life – 16 kilometres to be exact.
Friday, June 24, 2005
My company profile!
Gautam Chandna
A programmer who likes poetry better than prose
Both the Internet and Electronics to excel in; he chose.
Education was an adventure - yet another quest for knowledge!
Results are awaited for his final year at St. Stephen's College.
He managed a lot of Societies and assisted some Clubs.
Then read "Who moved my Cheese?" and learned about Hubs.
Student representative for the College's Technical Board,
t'was his first big break after coming aboard.
Nominated in his final year to the post of President for a Society and a Club each
(The post of Technical coordinator for six more such groups, he was able to reach)
(And the post of Systems Manager in the Student's Union, after winning the polls)
Being an Advisor to the Computer Society was also one of his roles.
Ranging from programming, planning, writing, debating and performing on stage,
To manual labour and underestimated pleasure all helped him, to himself gauge,
He works now at Xeye - he a designer at heart, whose words are in code
But thankfully there are devices to display them in the correct mode.
ofcourse this is totally unofficial. This should be what goes up in my company profile.. lets see if it gets accepted!
A programmer who likes poetry better than prose
Both the Internet and Electronics to excel in; he chose.
Education was an adventure - yet another quest for knowledge!
Results are awaited for his final year at St. Stephen's College.
He managed a lot of Societies and assisted some Clubs.
Then read "Who moved my Cheese?" and learned about Hubs.
Student representative for the College's Technical Board,
t'was his first big break after coming aboard.
Nominated in his final year to the post of President for a Society and a Club each
(The post of Technical coordinator for six more such groups, he was able to reach)
(And the post of Systems Manager in the Student's Union, after winning the polls)
Being an Advisor to the Computer Society was also one of his roles.
Ranging from programming, planning, writing, debating and performing on stage,
To manual labour and underestimated pleasure all helped him, to himself gauge,
He works now at Xeye - he a designer at heart, whose words are in code
But thankfully there are devices to display them in the correct mode.
ofcourse this is totally unofficial. This should be what goes up in my company profile.. lets see if it gets accepted!
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
bored bored bored bored bored bored
//Would anyone like to know what this does?
//There are eighteen platforms
for (i=1; i[lessthan]19; i++) {
//If u are still reading, I'm guessing u really like Brackets!!
LAND_X = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _x);
LAND_Y = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _y);
LAND_WIDTH = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _width);
//The amazing part is that I need to come up with this
//in real time. (as fast as you're reading it)
if (this._y[greaterthan]LAND_Y and
this._y[lessthan]LAND_Y+this.dy+baseObjHeight and
(this._x[greaterthan]LAND_X-LAND_WIDTH*.5 and
this._x[lessthan]LAND_X+LAND_WIDTH*.5
)
) {
//Dont worry.. all this does is stop's the 'thing' from
//falling off the screen - it lands on one of these
//platforms!
stopFall = true;
}
// This checks the out-of-bounds area for each platform
if (this._x[lessthan]LAND_X-LAND_WIDTH*.5 OR
this._x[greaterthan](LAND_X+130)) {
stopFall = false;
}
//it works, so please dont send me bug reports and arbit
//ideas of how it would work better!
}
//You really are bored?! otherwise u would NEVER have read this much
if (stopFall == false) {
this._y += this.dy;
}
//A little bouncing is good... when it lands..
jump -= 3.5;
if (jump[lessthan]0) {
jump = 0;
}
//forget this.. there is a lot more code but I didnt feel like writing
//comments for it...
this._x -= this.dx;
//so thats about all I do, nowadays...
//sad...
//There are eighteen platforms
for (i=1; i[lessthan]19; i++) {
//If u are still reading, I'm guessing u really like Brackets!!
LAND_X = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _x);
LAND_Y = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _y);
LAND_WIDTH = getProperty("_root.landing"+i, _width);
//The amazing part is that I need to come up with this
//in real time. (as fast as you're reading it)
if (this._y[greaterthan]LAND_Y and
this._y[lessthan]LAND_Y+this.dy+baseObjHeight and
(this._x[greaterthan]LAND_X-LAND_WIDTH*.5 and
this._x[lessthan]LAND_X+LAND_WIDTH*.5
)
) {
//Dont worry.. all this does is stop's the 'thing' from
//falling off the screen - it lands on one of these
//platforms!
stopFall = true;
}
// This checks the out-of-bounds area for each platform
if (this._x[lessthan]LAND_X-LAND_WIDTH*.5 OR
this._x[greaterthan](LAND_X+130)) {
stopFall = false;
}
//it works, so please dont send me bug reports and arbit
//ideas of how it would work better!
}
//You really are bored?! otherwise u would NEVER have read this much
if (stopFall == false) {
this._y += this.dy;
}
//A little bouncing is good... when it lands..
jump -= 3.5;
if (jump[lessthan]0) {
jump = 0;
}
//forget this.. there is a lot more code but I didnt feel like writing
//comments for it...
this._x -= this.dx;
//so thats about all I do, nowadays...
//sad...
really busy, but had to write something for the day..
come here
go there
done here
whats next?
Do I add some more
to this text?
this time
that time
which time
what time
glitch time
why time
what the hell am I doing
with
my time
go there
done here
whats next?
Do I add some more
to this text?
this time
that time
which time
what time
glitch time
why time
what the hell am I doing
with
my time
Monday, June 20, 2005
shocking.. but not effective.
temporary.. but not changeable.
unconcerned.. but not indifferent.
Feeling the rise in arbitrary conversations and relying on what you heard 'just the other day', I thought I'd write something more than just arbit. Something more, a little difficult to define what it should be.
What is one expected to do, when its not choices that u have to make
Living on and on, existence speaks for itself
The choices u made were'nt yours to start with, your notion of life u need to shake
Forget the things that u kept on the shelf.
hmmm... sounds like I'm not in a good mood.. but I am!?
lets try this.. have u ever heard Frank Sinatra?
not heard OF him.. have u heard HIM sing?
go ahead.. sing it like he would, the following is a happy song
---------------------
Let's talk about you... What you havent really shown
The world would like to know, What you plan to do now...
Living on this earth, we all seem to be full of sorrow.
What is it that we desire, what is it that we follow
Why dont you ask yourself, living how you are,
Do you think that the grapes are sour?
Lets not believe, in the world today.
Lets just think on our own today.
Making it seem all too true
Let see what you and I do
----------------
lets get a bit more technical.. change the voice to someone hip hop..
------------------
I just want to feel, safe in my own skin.
Is there a world out there, one that I can find in a tin.
Bound we are from the places we want to see
but do you think we should flee?
Learn to live and live it right,
Why do it when you feel like a fight.
Jump at the chance, do u think u'll get another
dont be so sure - u make it seem all unreal
Lets not believe what we see today,
Lets try and hear today,
making it seem all too true,
lets see what you and I do
------------------
anyone for an arbit rhyming song?
-------------------
Left or right with the world today,
Lets make a leap to the sky,
what part of the world do we foray
Lets just say goodbye
What is it that we still have to learn
What may I do to clean up this act
For the answers to my questions, I yearn
atleast what I need to know, is intact
Lets not believe in what you said before,
Lets try and make it seem better than before.
unconcerned.. but not indifferent.
Feeling the rise in arbitrary conversations and relying on what you heard 'just the other day', I thought I'd write something more than just arbit. Something more, a little difficult to define what it should be.
What is one expected to do, when its not choices that u have to make
Living on and on, existence speaks for itself
The choices u made were'nt yours to start with, your notion of life u need to shake
Forget the things that u kept on the shelf.
hmmm... sounds like I'm not in a good mood.. but I am!?
lets try this.. have u ever heard Frank Sinatra?
not heard OF him.. have u heard HIM sing?
go ahead.. sing it like he would, the following is a happy song
---------------------
Let's talk about you... What you havent really shown
The world would like to know, What you plan to do now...
Living on this earth, we all seem to be full of sorrow.
What is it that we desire, what is it that we follow
Why dont you ask yourself, living how you are,
Do you think that the grapes are sour?
Lets not believe, in the world today.
Lets just think on our own today.
Making it seem all too true
Let see what you and I do
----------------
lets get a bit more technical.. change the voice to someone hip hop..
------------------
I just want to feel, safe in my own skin.
Is there a world out there, one that I can find in a tin.
Bound we are from the places we want to see
but do you think we should flee?
Learn to live and live it right,
Why do it when you feel like a fight.
Jump at the chance, do u think u'll get another
dont be so sure - u make it seem all unreal
Lets not believe what we see today,
Lets try and hear today,
making it seem all too true,
lets see what you and I do
------------------
anyone for an arbit rhyming song?
-------------------
Left or right with the world today,
Lets make a leap to the sky,
what part of the world do we foray
Lets just say goodbye
What is it that we still have to learn
What may I do to clean up this act
For the answers to my questions, I yearn
atleast what I need to know, is intact
Lets not believe in what you said before,
Lets try and make it seem better than before.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
its time again...
yup.. its time for me to write another bit supposedly interesting and enthusiastic stuff for my blog, but how!! am not feeling interested in anything and am not at all enthusiastic about it!!!!
this is the pits! college finished, friends all over the place - but toooooo far to hang out with!!!!!!!! (all over India... hehe.. )
i was waaaiitting for this day soo desparately!!! well, actually I was waiting for the evening of the day that my exams finished.. and it just came and whoossheed by!!!! I didnt even get to say bye!!!!
I cant believe how rude I am! Would any of you jobles people reading this belive that a guy who is sooo jobless to even write this, just wasnt jobless EXACTLY WHEN HE wanted to be!!!!!!!! amazing is the world and ironic is life, put the two together and you have an amazingly ironic life!
now I understand why so many people write about the ironies of the world! my god ITS FULL OF'EM!
just the other day for instance - I was waiting for a friend in Barista and I see this reaaally nice girl! who noticed me too by the way.. (stop laughing all of those who know me!.. and for those of you who dont, ignore that note. ;-)
It was so sad.. I would have so loved to just sit there and think of the possibilities that, in most obvious situations NEVER happen! but then I didnt even get time to do that!
before I sign off.. I have to say this, "If you want to confuse an idiot try saying 'watch out for the bulldozer-its it may get a dent!'"
hehe..
this is the pits! college finished, friends all over the place - but toooooo far to hang out with!!!!!!!! (all over India... hehe.. )
i was waaaiitting for this day soo desparately!!! well, actually I was waiting for the evening of the day that my exams finished.. and it just came and whoossheed by!!!! I didnt even get to say bye!!!!
I cant believe how rude I am! Would any of you jobles people reading this belive that a guy who is sooo jobless to even write this, just wasnt jobless EXACTLY WHEN HE wanted to be!!!!!!!! amazing is the world and ironic is life, put the two together and you have an amazingly ironic life!
now I understand why so many people write about the ironies of the world! my god ITS FULL OF'EM!
just the other day for instance - I was waiting for a friend in Barista and I see this reaaally nice girl! who noticed me too by the way.. (stop laughing all of those who know me!.. and for those of you who dont, ignore that note. ;-)
It was so sad.. I would have so loved to just sit there and think of the possibilities that, in most obvious situations NEVER happen! but then I didnt even get time to do that!
before I sign off.. I have to say this, "If you want to confuse an idiot try saying 'watch out for the bulldozer-its it may get a dent!'"
hehe..
Sunday, December 26, 2004
aloha!!
here's a joke my dad just told us all at dinner...
A guy walks into a store and asks, "hey, whats that!!"
the shopkeeper looks very amused, finding it funny that someone actually doesn't know what that device was..
he replies, "thats a thermus"
the wierd guy doesnt have a clue! he feels he was better off not knowing what that thing was,instead of now not
knowing what that thing is and also the wierd name the shopkeeper just gave it...
"what does it do?" he asks
The shopkeeper replies, "It keeps cool things cool and hot things hot!"
that line helps make the shopkeeper an instant sale, here we find that the wierd guy was also rich!
The next day we find this guy walk into his office very enthusiastically with his new thermus!!
his boss, knowing he didn't hire this guy for his brains asks "do u even know what that is???"
he replies, "YES I do!! Its a thermus. it keeps cool things cool and hot things hot!"
his boss goes on to ask, "what did u get in it??"
he replies, " Two coffees and one scoop chocolate ice cream."
A guy walks into a store and asks, "hey, whats that!!"
the shopkeeper looks very amused, finding it funny that someone actually doesn't know what that device was..
he replies, "thats a thermus"
the wierd guy doesnt have a clue! he feels he was better off not knowing what that thing was,instead of now not
knowing what that thing is and also the wierd name the shopkeeper just gave it...
"what does it do?" he asks
The shopkeeper replies, "It keeps cool things cool and hot things hot!"
that line helps make the shopkeeper an instant sale, here we find that the wierd guy was also rich!
The next day we find this guy walk into his office very enthusiastically with his new thermus!!
his boss, knowing he didn't hire this guy for his brains asks "do u even know what that is???"
he replies, "YES I do!! Its a thermus. it keeps cool things cool and hot things hot!"
his boss goes on to ask, "what did u get in it??"
he replies, " Two coffees and one scoop chocolate ice cream."
Monday, December 20, 2004
Patheticism
It's a word that doesn't exist, it's an expression that explains itself.
It's a world that belongs to a few, it's just your own ideals placed on a shelf.
You stand up for what its worth, You claim whats not yours.
The world would die a meaningful death, if us, it adored.
A feeling you might possess, for yourself or someone else.
A thought, it so excels, your eyes look down to where even the rock melts.
It's a world that belongs to a few, it's just your own ideals placed on a shelf.
You stand up for what its worth, You claim whats not yours.
The world would die a meaningful death, if us, it adored.
A feeling you might possess, for yourself or someone else.
A thought, it so excels, your eyes look down to where even the rock melts.
Monday, December 06, 2004
Enough is enough!
Who ever thought one could say this with confidence,
Who ever realized that it actually is so true!
There wasn’t much I’d learnt in the past that I did today,
I feel like a man, a bigger one than before, but the idea sure sticks like glue!
There isn’t to say, is there? There isn’t much to do, I hope.
For the answer I was supposed to just look, but where?
Everything everyone told me to understand, I just said nope.
Feeling stupid, feeling glum.
I could just hide my face and face reality from behind a mask.
Could I stand, when I know I can’t show my face.
Would I hide, when someone calls out my name?
I think its time, time to smell the flowers,
Butterflies wander the lawns, birds sing their songs,
They don’t really ask whether they are good enough.
I think I should too, just stop asking around,
Time I think I should be what no one else wants to be.
Does it matter that I was pushed around before,
Does it matter that I get easily convinced?
I might as well jump in a well and never come out,
Should I be the one to whom, when u drop the bucket, you shout?
Call me when you need me, is what people did.
I feel deprived of the aftermath; I feel I give it away.
I believe in God and I hope I was blessed,
For I really wish to ask myself, if he did bless
Have I had enough?
For a question so simple all I can say, is yes.
Who ever realized that it actually is so true!
There wasn’t much I’d learnt in the past that I did today,
I feel like a man, a bigger one than before, but the idea sure sticks like glue!
There isn’t to say, is there? There isn’t much to do, I hope.
For the answer I was supposed to just look, but where?
Everything everyone told me to understand, I just said nope.
Feeling stupid, feeling glum.
I could just hide my face and face reality from behind a mask.
Could I stand, when I know I can’t show my face.
Would I hide, when someone calls out my name?
I think its time, time to smell the flowers,
Butterflies wander the lawns, birds sing their songs,
They don’t really ask whether they are good enough.
I think I should too, just stop asking around,
Time I think I should be what no one else wants to be.
Does it matter that I was pushed around before,
Does it matter that I get easily convinced?
I might as well jump in a well and never come out,
Should I be the one to whom, when u drop the bucket, you shout?
Call me when you need me, is what people did.
I feel deprived of the aftermath; I feel I give it away.
I believe in God and I hope I was blessed,
For I really wish to ask myself, if he did bless
Have I had enough?
For a question so simple all I can say, is yes.
Thanks
Never knew falling would hurt so much,
I’ve fallen before but only on my knees.
This time I don’t need a crutch,
But I need a lot more help, please.
The night is beautiful, its dressed up like a bride.
The stars make it so elegant, yet away from me it takes a stride.
This one that I fell for, I had fallen before.
Thought it wasn’t possible, so let the wind blow it towards the shore.
We, may or may not be here tomorrow,
These moments, I will remember tomorrow.
The feelings, I have are of love,
But it seems they have flown away like a dove.
Why is the sky and the land seeming all new,
When I asked, the crazy wind replied,
You fell in love, unknowingly,
What have you done, unknowingly?
Love is crazy, it’s just too much fun,
It’s unaware of pain or happiness.
Forgive the crazy man, he will soon set,
He too is unaware, want a bet?
Who was that devil in the green dress over there!
Do you know her? I might just need the number to her lair!
Her soft, blue eyes seem like heaven to me
In a second I feel like Bruce Lee!
12 o’clock! 3 o’clock! 2 o’clock! Jump!
The time has come to make the music pump!
The crazy man certainly went crazy,
His life sure did feel a bit hazy.
But you were there to keep my eyes from becoming soggy,
Turns out my specs were a bit foggy.
I trust God to keep us all happy,
I trust him with all my might,
And this time if I do may say so myself, God sent you, right?
I’ve fallen before but only on my knees.
This time I don’t need a crutch,
But I need a lot more help, please.
The night is beautiful, its dressed up like a bride.
The stars make it so elegant, yet away from me it takes a stride.
This one that I fell for, I had fallen before.
Thought it wasn’t possible, so let the wind blow it towards the shore.
We, may or may not be here tomorrow,
These moments, I will remember tomorrow.
The feelings, I have are of love,
But it seems they have flown away like a dove.
Why is the sky and the land seeming all new,
When I asked, the crazy wind replied,
You fell in love, unknowingly,
What have you done, unknowingly?
Love is crazy, it’s just too much fun,
It’s unaware of pain or happiness.
Forgive the crazy man, he will soon set,
He too is unaware, want a bet?
Who was that devil in the green dress over there!
Do you know her? I might just need the number to her lair!
Her soft, blue eyes seem like heaven to me
In a second I feel like Bruce Lee!
12 o’clock! 3 o’clock! 2 o’clock! Jump!
The time has come to make the music pump!
The crazy man certainly went crazy,
His life sure did feel a bit hazy.
But you were there to keep my eyes from becoming soggy,
Turns out my specs were a bit foggy.
I trust God to keep us all happy,
I trust him with all my might,
And this time if I do may say so myself, God sent you, right?
Friday, December 03, 2004
The Relevance Theorem
This theorem helps determine the reaction based on the action by any man. Please note, action committed by any ‘man’. Due to the inexplicable uncertainty of women another theory called the Irrelevance Theorem is on its way. To prove this theory I shall be using terms like ‘vela’, ‘arbid’ (I know it’s with a‘t’, but this one ISN’T!), etc.
I hope you aren’t so shady that you couldn’t get that.
The Relevance Theorem states something, hearing which you feel a needle wrapped up in bandage to make a cloth ball, is dipped in hot tar and dropped in his coffee, which the waitress serves the wrong guy and asks you to pay for it all the while taking her clothes off making you feel very embarrased since you are in the middle of Beethoven's 9th Symphony's orchestral presentation at the Royal Grand hotel behind kalashipalyam, where the buses make noises like hyundai motor engines!!! and looked like yellow taxis which had fares that would make jet airways feel local transport is more profitable and works towards a better economic policy for the country making all of us proud of out nation! all the while cunningly helping increase currency rates high enought to convert all their money into pounds and going bankrupt leaving only traces of jackfruit chips which taste awesome with ketchup. Basically, anything and everything is relevant, assuming the situation you are in makes it so.
Economically speaking one can never be sure whether the policies made today will ever suffice to see the light of tomorrow. All that we can say is based on how ‘man’ decides its relevance. As proof I discuss this case study in which three yound ‘men’ travel, meanwhile expending a lot of liquid funds, taking risks, feeling cold and finally making it economically viable by reaching a bank run by the Home Government on time!
The Relevance theorem need not be associated on to economics. It is relevant at all times, places, situations, landscapes, blue bricks and yellow postcards.
"huh...", sleepy as ever he lifts his head off his pillow.The day goes by. Relevantly put, we realise that the day was irrelevant for this proof.Abigail and Po have finally packed their luggage and are ready to leave on a mystical journey through the amazing landscapes of north India all the way to a valley, frozen between hills on all sides, yet as soft as dew drops on grass in early winter mornings. They were to travel at night, so the they didn't see much since they were mostly sleeping, but they got to the valley at 4:30 am sharp! Chinoor was their tour guide, he never left their side. Maybe once at the bus station, but that was ok, since Abigail and Po weren't screaming. The Tour Guide Chinoor was a cheap and viable solution for Abigail and Po’s plight since he worked for free. At this point I would like to inform you that no live humans were hurt during the making of this story. The timing may have been sharp but nobody got hurt.The night travel was quite amazing. Although Po would not have been able to make it without a certain Thankar's help. Abigail and I can't be certain whether Po passed out or was happily asleep, since we didn't wake him up to ask. The bus was, as usual, a Government of India Transport Vehicle which makes use of the best suspension systems accross the world over! unfortunately the roads on these heavily trafficked areas have many, if there be such a word, bucket-holes. In the world of economics it is necessary to discover avenues where one can take loans from foreign bank by way of liberalising oneself. As discussed some days back by our own Finance Minister, using other peoples savings is not a bad idea, this was certainly the relevant thing to do for Po, since his cap was inadvertently lost after he invested it in a local bank.
The threesome sat together and Po got the window seat. We were seated right behind the worst set of seats on the bus. It was good fun discussing the pros and cons of sitting on the worst seats in the bus. A bar partly blocked entry into the set of seats that was called the worst set of seats. It was called so, since the door was at such a location that if any naughty boy were to 'chuck' a stone (or rock for that matter) towards the bus, it would enter at high speed through the door and develop a certain trajectory that would take it through the empty lane in the middle and right into the worst seats on the bus. We however were sitting right behing this set of seats and were saved since if there was a naughty boy who did 'chuck' a stone at the bus aimed at us, it would merely hit the window. In such a case there are only two possibilities. Firstly, the stone bounces off the window and all of us makes faces at the kid! or the glass breaks and a quilt of shattered glass covers the three of us and we sleep till morning without much trouble since it was a bit cold and a small quilt would have helped. If you didn’t get the relevance of that, stop reading!!!Lucky for us, it was nighttime and little naughty boys aren't allowed on the streets after ten. We then attempted to sleep. Chinoor using all his yogic knowledge puts his hands on his bag and his head on his hands. Abigail didn't want to lie down, niether did he want to lean on anyone, so he tried sleeping sitting straight. Po had his head on the window. Now lets thank Thankar! Every company in today’s world needs to realise the importance of innovation and creativity, this led to every man deciding his own future by selecting the perfect way to sleep. Considering that the body wieghts and fat orientation of each man were very different different styles were required. Outsourcing was considered for this job, but it seemed the irrelevant thing to do, only women can be that d… hehe… Some days back Chinoor had borrowed Po's cap cause a close friend of Po's and Chinoor's thought that he looked good in it. Chinoor, never wanting to let go of a good looking opportunity took to the cap instantly! Unfortunately for him and Po, the cap was borrowed by a certain somebody who... well... lts just say didn't give it back and Chinoor wasn't really in a position to say, "gimme my cap!!" This is what happens when a business deal goes sour. A bank uses the funds given to it by people like you on projects with unforeseen expenditures. Indian banks usually face huge losses but thankfully the customers forgive and forget (and I hope this doesn’t remind him…)
Thankar! we all love you! He lent his cap to Po, it was red in colour. I say was since it truly was... but no longer is. Maroon maybe, red - nope. The potholes on the road were very entertaining and it actually looked like we were nodding our heads to some rap song. Po was seen with his head in a smooth beat, moving up and down and even giving a little style with the cap when all of a sudden we see him go 'BANG' with the window!! It was stunning! I jump forward to see what company the glass was!! ... not! Chinoor and Abigail looked at each other and thought - he's either a heavy sleeper or just got knocked out. Such deals are always good for the borrower and bad for the lender. Proper use and benefits of having a cap were experienced by po who by chance was in a situation where he needed one!
Its funny how Abigail and Chinoor started thinking alike and even saying things at the exact same time. Considering that the common set of words in Abigail's and Chinoor's vocab is the little oxford's dictionary - it would be 45,000 words. The probability of him saying one word of those 45,000 is obviously 2.2E-5 and the same goes for me choosing exactly one word. The probability of us choosing the same word is a whopping 4.8E-10 !!!!!!!!!!!! don't worry... it makes no sense to me too. But at such places such values seem more relevant that ever.
Women on the other hand never follow the relevance theorem. Since for them everything at any time or place is irrelevant, even if it doesn’t seem so. If asked to select a car from a large number of choices the first criteria for a man would be POWER! And for a woman would be COLOUR!
For actual proof, here is a small tidbit:
I bet most of you have seen the movie in which a guy wakes up everyday to the same day??? and somehow only he remembers that the day has begun all over again and everyone else has no clue.. Groundhog Day.well.. how about this: life itself can be classified as something like that. It is a set amount of time, you don't know how much time... but lets just say a LOT of time (equivalent to a lifetime.. hehe)... when u die.. you just start over as a kid, and you have no clue that the things that are happening just happened some 'time' ago!!!!And to make it more complex think that everyone is an individual experiencing this, but their 'time' is superposed on your 'time'!! so when you are doing the things you are doing.. they are doing the things they are doing.. when the 'time' limit approaches, all goes back to zero and none of you have a clue of what happened and you start over again thinking its for the first time!!
Its like the girl from 50 first dates!! she had a single day memory, i.e., as soon as she slept she forgot all that happened during the day.. in the same way: when u die, you actually come back as yourself! as a child ofcourse.. hehe..and get to relive this already lived life in any way you like.. its completely up to you to do whatever you want.. heck! you were probably were some great hero last time round, or probably just a flopped out actor. or you could have just been exactly like you are now.. kinda boring, but... its you! hehe..
Most women would consider that tidbit of information TOTALLY irrelevant, but simply put, it does make sense! Economically we could experiment with a model that considers that its players start over from zero everyday and whatever they do differently affects their own and everybody elses profits in ways yet to be permuted.
The logic is just simply mindblowing!
As you must have seen, the above proof was totally IRRelevant to the Relevance Theorem. (If you still didn’t get it, read I R Relevant as three separate words.)
I hope you aren’t so shady that you couldn’t get that.
The Relevance Theorem states something, hearing which you feel a needle wrapped up in bandage to make a cloth ball, is dipped in hot tar and dropped in his coffee, which the waitress serves the wrong guy and asks you to pay for it all the while taking her clothes off making you feel very embarrased since you are in the middle of Beethoven's 9th Symphony's orchestral presentation at the Royal Grand hotel behind kalashipalyam, where the buses make noises like hyundai motor engines!!! and looked like yellow taxis which had fares that would make jet airways feel local transport is more profitable and works towards a better economic policy for the country making all of us proud of out nation! all the while cunningly helping increase currency rates high enought to convert all their money into pounds and going bankrupt leaving only traces of jackfruit chips which taste awesome with ketchup. Basically, anything and everything is relevant, assuming the situation you are in makes it so.
Economically speaking one can never be sure whether the policies made today will ever suffice to see the light of tomorrow. All that we can say is based on how ‘man’ decides its relevance. As proof I discuss this case study in which three yound ‘men’ travel, meanwhile expending a lot of liquid funds, taking risks, feeling cold and finally making it economically viable by reaching a bank run by the Home Government on time!
The Relevance theorem need not be associated on to economics. It is relevant at all times, places, situations, landscapes, blue bricks and yellow postcards.
"huh...", sleepy as ever he lifts his head off his pillow.The day goes by. Relevantly put, we realise that the day was irrelevant for this proof.Abigail and Po have finally packed their luggage and are ready to leave on a mystical journey through the amazing landscapes of north India all the way to a valley, frozen between hills on all sides, yet as soft as dew drops on grass in early winter mornings. They were to travel at night, so the they didn't see much since they were mostly sleeping, but they got to the valley at 4:30 am sharp! Chinoor was their tour guide, he never left their side. Maybe once at the bus station, but that was ok, since Abigail and Po weren't screaming. The Tour Guide Chinoor was a cheap and viable solution for Abigail and Po’s plight since he worked for free. At this point I would like to inform you that no live humans were hurt during the making of this story. The timing may have been sharp but nobody got hurt.The night travel was quite amazing. Although Po would not have been able to make it without a certain Thankar's help. Abigail and I can't be certain whether Po passed out or was happily asleep, since we didn't wake him up to ask. The bus was, as usual, a Government of India Transport Vehicle which makes use of the best suspension systems accross the world over! unfortunately the roads on these heavily trafficked areas have many, if there be such a word, bucket-holes. In the world of economics it is necessary to discover avenues where one can take loans from foreign bank by way of liberalising oneself. As discussed some days back by our own Finance Minister, using other peoples savings is not a bad idea, this was certainly the relevant thing to do for Po, since his cap was inadvertently lost after he invested it in a local bank.
The threesome sat together and Po got the window seat. We were seated right behind the worst set of seats on the bus. It was good fun discussing the pros and cons of sitting on the worst seats in the bus. A bar partly blocked entry into the set of seats that was called the worst set of seats. It was called so, since the door was at such a location that if any naughty boy were to 'chuck' a stone (or rock for that matter) towards the bus, it would enter at high speed through the door and develop a certain trajectory that would take it through the empty lane in the middle and right into the worst seats on the bus. We however were sitting right behing this set of seats and were saved since if there was a naughty boy who did 'chuck' a stone at the bus aimed at us, it would merely hit the window. In such a case there are only two possibilities. Firstly, the stone bounces off the window and all of us makes faces at the kid! or the glass breaks and a quilt of shattered glass covers the three of us and we sleep till morning without much trouble since it was a bit cold and a small quilt would have helped. If you didn’t get the relevance of that, stop reading!!!Lucky for us, it was nighttime and little naughty boys aren't allowed on the streets after ten. We then attempted to sleep. Chinoor using all his yogic knowledge puts his hands on his bag and his head on his hands. Abigail didn't want to lie down, niether did he want to lean on anyone, so he tried sleeping sitting straight. Po had his head on the window. Now lets thank Thankar! Every company in today’s world needs to realise the importance of innovation and creativity, this led to every man deciding his own future by selecting the perfect way to sleep. Considering that the body wieghts and fat orientation of each man were very different different styles were required. Outsourcing was considered for this job, but it seemed the irrelevant thing to do, only women can be that d… hehe… Some days back Chinoor had borrowed Po's cap cause a close friend of Po's and Chinoor's thought that he looked good in it. Chinoor, never wanting to let go of a good looking opportunity took to the cap instantly! Unfortunately for him and Po, the cap was borrowed by a certain somebody who... well... lts just say didn't give it back and Chinoor wasn't really in a position to say, "gimme my cap!!" This is what happens when a business deal goes sour. A bank uses the funds given to it by people like you on projects with unforeseen expenditures. Indian banks usually face huge losses but thankfully the customers forgive and forget (and I hope this doesn’t remind him…)
Thankar! we all love you! He lent his cap to Po, it was red in colour. I say was since it truly was... but no longer is. Maroon maybe, red - nope. The potholes on the road were very entertaining and it actually looked like we were nodding our heads to some rap song. Po was seen with his head in a smooth beat, moving up and down and even giving a little style with the cap when all of a sudden we see him go 'BANG' with the window!! It was stunning! I jump forward to see what company the glass was!! ... not! Chinoor and Abigail looked at each other and thought - he's either a heavy sleeper or just got knocked out. Such deals are always good for the borrower and bad for the lender. Proper use and benefits of having a cap were experienced by po who by chance was in a situation where he needed one!
Its funny how Abigail and Chinoor started thinking alike and even saying things at the exact same time. Considering that the common set of words in Abigail's and Chinoor's vocab is the little oxford's dictionary - it would be 45,000 words. The probability of him saying one word of those 45,000 is obviously 2.2E-5 and the same goes for me choosing exactly one word. The probability of us choosing the same word is a whopping 4.8E-10 !!!!!!!!!!!! don't worry... it makes no sense to me too. But at such places such values seem more relevant that ever.
Women on the other hand never follow the relevance theorem. Since for them everything at any time or place is irrelevant, even if it doesn’t seem so. If asked to select a car from a large number of choices the first criteria for a man would be POWER! And for a woman would be COLOUR!
For actual proof, here is a small tidbit:
I bet most of you have seen the movie in which a guy wakes up everyday to the same day??? and somehow only he remembers that the day has begun all over again and everyone else has no clue.. Groundhog Day.well.. how about this: life itself can be classified as something like that. It is a set amount of time, you don't know how much time... but lets just say a LOT of time (equivalent to a lifetime.. hehe)... when u die.. you just start over as a kid, and you have no clue that the things that are happening just happened some 'time' ago!!!!And to make it more complex think that everyone is an individual experiencing this, but their 'time' is superposed on your 'time'!! so when you are doing the things you are doing.. they are doing the things they are doing.. when the 'time' limit approaches, all goes back to zero and none of you have a clue of what happened and you start over again thinking its for the first time!!
Its like the girl from 50 first dates!! she had a single day memory, i.e., as soon as she slept she forgot all that happened during the day.. in the same way: when u die, you actually come back as yourself! as a child ofcourse.. hehe..and get to relive this already lived life in any way you like.. its completely up to you to do whatever you want.. heck! you were probably were some great hero last time round, or probably just a flopped out actor. or you could have just been exactly like you are now.. kinda boring, but... its you! hehe..
Most women would consider that tidbit of information TOTALLY irrelevant, but simply put, it does make sense! Economically we could experiment with a model that considers that its players start over from zero everyday and whatever they do differently affects their own and everybody elses profits in ways yet to be permuted.
The logic is just simply mindblowing!
As you must have seen, the above proof was totally IRRelevant to the Relevance Theorem. (If you still didn’t get it, read I R Relevant as three separate words.)
Saturday, November 27, 2004
it hurts
Through the darkness you see a light,
Wlking down a road yet unseen.
Aspark of joy, the sound of thunder,
Al roaring and yet everything is so clean.
The madness rules, the man does not,
Your head it seems is just a small clock.
What you see around you may seem blue,
Whats in your head ticks away without thought.
I am what I seem to be,
for it must be what I want,
I am here today to scream at me,
for I do lack something, but what?
Life is wierd and painful,
People think it is so at a certain time.
I believe it is meant to be so,
We walk the path and make it all seem sublime.
I am asked many questions,
Ones that I would answer without doubt.
About the tough ones I think a lot, but why?
I should just do what seems right.
I am what I am and I will be so for now,
Since thats all I know how.
Wlking down a road yet unseen.
Aspark of joy, the sound of thunder,
Al roaring and yet everything is so clean.
The madness rules, the man does not,
Your head it seems is just a small clock.
What you see around you may seem blue,
Whats in your head ticks away without thought.
I am what I seem to be,
for it must be what I want,
I am here today to scream at me,
for I do lack something, but what?
Life is wierd and painful,
People think it is so at a certain time.
I believe it is meant to be so,
We walk the path and make it all seem sublime.
I am asked many questions,
Ones that I would answer without doubt.
About the tough ones I think a lot, but why?
I should just do what seems right.
I am what I am and I will be so for now,
Since thats all I know how.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
nothing
Its funny how I call something nothing when u cry over it.
Its funny how I cry over something u call nothing.
Somehow I still can't get myself to laugh.
I was looking for a mirage, I was so sure it was there.
I still agree to disagree, me being wrong I just can't bear.
Somehow, I now think I was.
A magnifying glass is something a child looks through,
Through his life he learns, focus, how to?
I learnt it well, didn't know what to.
Most of this is just nothing.
Mostly cause it means that to you.
I wish it were different, but even the wish means nothing.
Why do I type? There is no aim.
I'm just bored like hell, and the internet does'nt ask for a reason.
chuck it....
Its funny how I cry over something u call nothing.
Somehow I still can't get myself to laugh.
I was looking for a mirage, I was so sure it was there.
I still agree to disagree, me being wrong I just can't bear.
Somehow, I now think I was.
A magnifying glass is something a child looks through,
Through his life he learns, focus, how to?
I learnt it well, didn't know what to.
Most of this is just nothing.
Mostly cause it means that to you.
I wish it were different, but even the wish means nothing.
Why do I type? There is no aim.
I'm just bored like hell, and the internet does'nt ask for a reason.
chuck it....
Friday, November 05, 2004
I dont know...
I never thought there would be something to which I would say
"I dont know."
I have said, "I dont know, yet."
or, "gimme one week."
or, "I'll find out."
or at sometimes even know about it!!! and say whatever I know..
but never, "I dont know."
and I feel.. actually I know.. I can't do anything about it.and for some reason, it feels nice.
nice to know that nothing needs to be done, because nothing can be.
sounds like ignorance, but is it?
"I dont know."
I have said, "I dont know, yet."
or, "gimme one week."
or, "I'll find out."
or at sometimes even know about it!!! and say whatever I know..
but never, "I dont know."
and I feel.. actually I know.. I can't do anything about it.and for some reason, it feels nice.
nice to know that nothing needs to be done, because nothing can be.
sounds like ignorance, but is it?
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
The Dreamer
Once upon a time in a village called Ram Nagar, there lived a man who knew. Ram Nagar means the town of God. No one realised how ironic that statement that really was, until one day.
Ram Kishore Kanhaiya Lal Tripathi, a one man army to his fields, a mother to his only child. Amicably called Ramu, this lad at twenty five didn't expect much from life.
There wasn't much change in the town for a very long time. Ramu still worked on his ancestral farm, the locals were the same. Not many people went in and out of the village. When I say many I still leave a little gap for a few to come by, and it were these few that started all the trouble.
"arey oh! Ramu!", a voice from behind the corn bushels called out, "kidhar ho bhaya?!"
People knew Ramu's habits, he was on his field everyday but today was different. Ramu was still sleeping.
Popat Lal, often called Lalaji, was the local money lender (a loaning bank with extremely high interest rates) was looking for Ramu. The crop was ripe and his money was all he cared about.
Ramu was sick, he couldnt even move. His son was crying but he could do nothing. He needed a breakthrough, he just dreamt of one and got it.
To this day people lived thinking that their past is behind them, but what they didn't realise was that they were looking the wrong way. You past is ahead of you because that is what you can see! Your future is coming at you from behind, because you never know what you are going to get.
What is your whole past was just a dream that you dreamt last night. You woke up thinking its all true and are so convinced about the things that happened yesterday that you can't stop, even for a second, to believe that all this is just yesterdays dream.
Time isn't quantifiable object. If you believe that its possible to see your whole life flash by you in a second just before a car crash, why can't it just be a second long?
Every dream is a lifetime in itself, we just seem to be stuck in this one. I will wake up tomorrow and forget that any of this happened. I will forget that I ever wrote this. I will forget whatever I need to and know whatever I want to. And if I dream of today all over again, I might start off tomorrow continuing today. If I dream of something totally disconnected I wont really think of today as the true yesterday. Yesterday would have been dreamt up in my head some instant before I wake up.
In all this there is some hope. You can make sure you dream a good dream.
Wash away the dirt, use some soap. Make sure you don't scream.
Who said the sky is the limit? Dream a new one today.
The centre of the Universe, shift it. Bring winter to may.
Imagine the possibilities, what's left is not really gone.
I still believe that your dreams can come true, because they do. Dream on.
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